When bad things happen, (on purpose.)
I came across a letter I wrote to my son a number of years ago when he had some crappy things happen to him. I hope you find some value in it as well. Please let me know your thoughts.
October 30, 2012
David, I just want you to know how my heart sank and almost broke seeing your text to “call you ASAP” when I landed in Grand Rapids. I just knew something was wrong and then talking with you on the phone confirmed my suspicions. What happened to you really stinks. It is wrong. It is unfair. It is unjust. When things like that happen to me three things generally pop into my head, in no particular order.
First, I get angry and want revenge! I want justice, dang it!
Anger is a good emotion. It is a proper emotion, especially when a wrong or an injustice has occurred. But, Scripture reminds me to not seek revenge on my own. It is interesting that God does not say revenge will not take place, rather He promises to take care of the revenge for us. He will repay. He promises He will. I know He can exact a much better vengeance than I ever could and as hard as it may be, I try to forgive the person and then get out of God’s way, because He will get involved. I may never know exactly how or what, but the Bible promises that God will repay. I trust His Word.
Second, I become self-critical. I say things like, ”How could I be so stupid?” “What an idiot!” I beat myself up over and over. Yes, it was a mistake, learn from what you did wrong and move on. Ask what you could have done differently. Feel the pain and let it teach you, but do not let it beat you. You can’t saw sawdust, what is done is done. Forget the past and press on forward toward the goals ahead. The best way I have found to work through this process is to write it down. Writing in a journal forces you to become precise in your thinking and once it is down on paper, your subconscious can release it and let it go.
You don’t ever forget it, but because it is written somewhere, your brain will release itself from dwelling on it. If you ever want to remember it in detail, just go back and reread what you wrote. Over time you will have a different perspective as well. It is a good process and I highly encourage you to do it.
Third, I think, “How could a loving and supposedly all powerful God allow this to happen to me?” This is a good question to ponder for a number of reasons. First, it is a good reminder to note that I am not all that good. In fact, the only reason I am considered “good” is due to my relationship with Christ. Apart from Him I am worthless.
It is a good reminder to ask, “is what happened a form of discipline for what I did wrong, or is it due to God pruning me so I can grow stronger; to prepare for bigger and better things to come?” Discipline is painful. But, when God is administering the discipline whether to correct a wrong behavior or to challenge me to grow and edify me, it is for my good. Let me repeat. The discipline is painful, it is unpleasant, it stinks, but the result is designed for my good.
Remember, Job was innocent and God basically squashed him for no apparent reason other than a bet he had with Satan. King David was spying on a beautiful woman, slept with her, got her pregnant and then killed her husband to cover his tracks. Joseph was an honorable young man and his brothers sold him into slavery. He ran from Potiphar’s wife and was jailed. Of course, you remember Hannah, whose family members were making fun of her because she couldn’t get pregnant? And don’t forget that the only perfect man to ever live was God’s son who He allowed to be brutally crucified on a cross dying a horribly painful and humiliating death.
We see a common theme here; innocent people getting shafted for no particular reason (except king David of course). But, notice what happens after the fact? There is tremendous blessing that happens as a result, in every case! Jesus was the only one who did not experience a tremendous blessing this side of the grave, but can anyone doubt that He was blessed far beyond anything we could ever imagine?
What happened to you stinks. It is painful. You will get through it and God will honor your faithfulness. Don’t take my word for it, take God’s.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:3–13)
When Uncle Pat was at the Citadel, he memorized a verse to help him and his buddies get through their first difficult year of military college. The verse is also inscribed on the inside of his ring; Romans 8:18. It says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Pain and suffering stinks. Feel the pain, hate the pain but, never allow the pain to make you bitter. You are stronger than you think you are and better than you think you are. Always remember that I love you and God does too. You are a good man son, press on and keep the faith.
Love Dad
