Years ago, my 6-year old son David and I were in the grocery store when we heard a commotion in the cookie isle. As we passed by the isle we witnessed the classic “negotiation” between parent and child. You know the drill, the child wanted cookies; mom said “No.”
Well, as you can imagine, this was allowed to escalate to the point where the child was making a spectacle of himself, embarrassing mom and screaming for cookies. My son, holding my hand, looked up at me and asked, “Dad, how come they are not giving him a spanking?”
I replied, “Well, I guess they just don’t love him all that much son.” Do you know what happened? That’s right. He got the cookies. I just shook my head in disbelief.
There are many so-called experts, other parents and friends who give parenting advice. To be honest, I liked hearing all of their perspectives because I may pick up a tip or two to help when I was a parent of young children. After all, I was 20-something years old; what did I know about children? But, at the end of the day, it really boils down to one of two parenting styles.
Either you’re going to train them, or they are going to train you. The choice is yours, not theirs. Now, when they are babies, of course, you react when they cry. That is their only way of communication. But, once they get to be about 12–18 months old, you begin to notice that these little monsters are smart!
Even before they could talk, I taught them simple sign language for words like, “Please, thank-you and more.” I would not allow the grunts, and whining to get what they wanted. I was in charge, not them, so I trained them. I knew better than then they did.
The three simple rules in my home were obedience, honesty and respect. I was the parent. I set the rules and I enforced the rules. Even now, when they are all over 20, they still use what I taught them so many years ago. For good or bad, their bodies are part of my physical DNA and what I taught them is a permanent part of their mental DNA.
It reminds me of the advice that King Solomon told his son long ago when he said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.[1]”
Whether you are conscious of it or not, you are training the child by what you do and say everyday. By being aware of it and by being intentional in what you do, you can help or hinder the long-term relationship between the two of you.
An old guy told me years ago that there is one thing a child will never forgive a parent for and that was for not teaching the child discipline. The choice is yours. Be their parent now and enjoy their friendship later, or be their friend now, ignore discipline and live in regret.
[1] Proverbs 22:6
